Stuck in the Middle: Why Your Workplace Feels Like a Parent-Teenager Relationship
We’ve all seen it — a workplace where managers feel frustrated, employees feel misunderstood, and progress feels painfully slow. It’s not that people are lazy, or leaders are controlling. It’s that many organisations are stuck in an outdated power dynamic: they’ve outgrown the parent-child model of work but haven’t yet matured into a truly adult-adult culture.
Instead, they’re caught in what I call the parent-teenager dynamic — and neither side is happy.
From Parent-Child to Parent-Teenager
Traditional hierarchies were built for an era of control. Work was predictable, roles were fixed, and success meant following the rules. In this system, leaders take on the “parent” role — directing, approving, and taking responsibility — while employees are expected to comply and obey.
But the world of work has changed. 83% of workers now prioritise autonomy and work-life balance over salary (Randstad, 2023). Employees want autonomy. They want to be trusted, to shape their work, and to contribute meaningfully but can't demonstrate the skills and behaviours required to be trusted to work that way.
Meanwhile, many organisations still operate from a place of control. They say they want innovation and ownership — but hold onto policies, approval processes, and micromanagement that signal the opposite.
And so the dynamic shifts. The “child” employees grow into “teenagers” — seeking freedom, pushing back against authority, but not always fully equipped or empowered to lead themselves. The result is mistrust, frustration, and misalignment on both sides.
The Evidence
Only 23% of employees are actively engaged at work (Gallup, 2023).
64% of managers admit they don’t fully trust their people to be productive without supervision (Gartner).
While 87% of employees say they are productive, only 12% of leaders were confident their teams actually were. A trust gap Microsoft calls “productivity paranoia.”
At the heart of this is a maturity mismatch: people want to work like adults, but the system still treats them like they can’t be trusted to.
The Psychology Behind It
Psychologists call this the ego-state model — Parent, Child, and Adult. In thriving workplaces, relationships operate in Adult-Adult mode: mutual respect, clear roles, shared responsibility.
But when power is concentrated at the top and autonomy is withheld, people revert to Child (compliance) or Teenager (resistance). It’s not immaturity — it’s a logical response to being disempowered.
How to Move Forward
Escaping the parent-teenager dynamic means evolving your culture and systems to create freedom within a framework.
Replace control with clarity. Be explicit about decision rights, digital-first methods, outcomes, and expectations in your own organisational framework.
Train for self-leadership. People need support to build confidence, communication, and accountability that is required to operate with their desired freedom.
Trust-based culture. Embed the principle of presumed trust — and correct from there, not the other way around.
The Future is Adult-Adult
The goal isn’t total freedom or total control. It’s freedom within a framework. A culture where adults work with adults — where autonomy and responsibility go hand in hand.
Because when people are trusted to think for themselves, and supported to act responsibly, they don’t just perform better — they thrive.
👉 Are you ready to move your culture out of adolescence? Let's talk.
